Further Proof I Have the Best Readers EVER

I think I have a new boyfriend.  His name is Aloe Blacc.  Aloe like the plant.   Blacc like the…um…blacc.

I can’t get this song out of my head.  (Hey, hey.)  Also?  I need backup singers to follow me around and punctuate my pauses with harmonized exclamations.  (Hey, hey.)  Also I’m going to try to say things like “Wine is good to me and helps me pass the time,” more often.  (Hey, hey.)

Need more?  Check this one out.  Seriously.  Who knew a Michael Jackson song could make a girl moist?  Maybe don’t answer that.


Ok, I think I’m ready to continue now.

No wait….(Hey, hey.)

Ok now.

It’s time to stop pretending that I have anything to say today that even begins to compare to the magnificence and glory of this:

Entitled: "Elly Takes Out the Garbage"

Right?!?!   Remember how much The Vegetable Assassin hates kazoos?  Well, with that extra 3 minutes she saved last week by skipping the uke video, she created that masterpiece you see above.  I’m thinking about wallpapering my bathroom with that image.  Also I might make place mats.  Or maybe I’ll put it on baby ones-ies.  At the very least, I’m going to start mocking up some customized Thank You Notecards for all the agents that don’t want to represent my book.

Now go forth and Monday, Interwebz.  I have to make a special shopping trip today because the clerk at the CVS across the street told me,”There’s no such thing as Super Bowl tinsel.”  But I know full well he’s lying and just wants to horde it all for himself and HIS Super Bowl party.  Also, if we’re going to go caroling, Herbert needs to learn some fight songs, STAT.

Wait, do pro teams have fight songs?  The Super Bowl is pro teams, right?  Does that affect the sort of tree you’re supposed to get?  I get all these damn bowls confused.

Please tell me that if I just buy an ass ton (like five pounds?  Hey, hey.) of cheddar cheese that everything else party related will be ok…


  1. Love love love what she did with that picture. Why are you concerned with decorating for the Super Bowl when Snowmaggedon is on it’s way?! Stock up on food so you don’t have to eat Mildred.


  2. Shrimp cocktail is always a big hit at a Superbowl party, and Chateaux Le Flav goes great with seafood. (I recommend the Chardonnay)

    Just make sure to boil the shrimp first. If you use live shrimp “cocktail” it’s a whole ‘nother kind of Superbowl party.

    1. This reminds me of that scene in Tampopo where they put a live shrimp in a bowl of ?soy? and then invert in on the girl’s stomach during sex. I think it was a shrimp. I think it was the girl’s stomach. I think it was during sex. I think it was in Tampopo. Maybe its just all in my mind.

      1. I prefer bourbon rocks with my chocolate-chip cookies, thankyouverymuch. I’ve not tried nutella, though. I wonder how nutella rocks tastes?

  3. Is that a picture of Dolly Parton in the background of the video?

    Beer is much more important that cheese, after all the cheese is used to make hats anyway.

    1. Holy crap I love that one even more! You’re like the gift that keeps giving today! You’re like Lilo’s crotch if the gifts were scabies! Once you get those cleared up, we should totally make out.

      And yes…but he’s even hotter than Johnny because MUSICIAN. 20 plays later, I’m going back for more.

      1. who cares about him? his backup singer is major league-cute in the hottest way. Joy – very apropos.

  4. Somehow listening to the music DJed by you and looking at that picture of you makes today all of a sudden bright. You hear about the impending blizzard hitting the Midwest? And then apparently New England is at the same time getting tons of snow as well. Sorry I digressed.

    I want to be your backup singer but I can’t harmonize. I can be the dancing baby though.

  5. Just serve a bunch of stuff that starts with “Ch” and nobody will care who is playing. Cheddar. Cheese. Cheese. More Cheese. Chips. Chili. Chocolate. Chardonnay.

    Don’t know where this came from.

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