And The Winner Is…

Frankly, I’m the big winner.  There’s been a whole mess o’ giggling up in here – until yesterday that is.  Then it got nasty.

Did I mention I’m a Libra?  Actually, I’m a double Libra with a Taurus moon.  For you non-astrology types that loosely translates at “good fucking luck getting that easily-distracted confrontation-avoiding shallow girl to make any kind of decision.”

I suck at picking favorites.  So I didn’t.  I narrowed it down to my top three picks (Crispy Nipples, the gal with the anal bleaching obsession, and she who has fucked a duck) then put Rocco in charge of the final decision.  Obviously, all hate mail should go to him directly.

Speaking of hate mail, I’m just waiting for one of these artisans (term used loosely) I mock over at Craftastrophe to start sending me severed snake heads via FedEx.  Today you can pop over and see just what happens when you set out in search of the perfect unicorn tricycle and instead find a Bearded Oyster costume.  (That link is surprisingly perfectly safe for work.)


Where was I?  Oh yes!  THE WINNER!!

Well, it’s Mrs. Mary Mac (Mac Mac all dressed in black black black) from Pajamas and Coffee.  Not only is her story magnificent, but I’m also super looking forward to fulfilling her prize.  Wow, that sounded dirty.  I think we’ve got another euphemism to try out.

*clears throat and puts on a slutty face*

“Oh the things he does to my kayak.  I’d totally let him fulfill my prize.”  *blink, blink*

Ah yes.  That TOTALLY works.

Focus, Elly.  So I can’t wait to fulfill her prize (Ok seriously?  I can’t. stop. giggling.) because “I want you to sketch me naked on a velvet sofa, like in Titanic.”

Your wish is my command, Mary Mac.  (For the rest of you out there, 8×10 glossies will be available for the low, low price of $25 each.)

I’ll post her complete piece tomorrow, but here’s a little teaser:

Nancy had been a psychiatric ward nurse for thirteen years. She was exhausted, but her husband Bill had been laid off and she had kids to feed, so she showed up for work every day. The conversations she had with her patients, on the ‘not psychotic enough for straitjackets but not stable enough for the real world’ ward kept her from getting too bored with her work. Plus, she liked most of her co-workers.

Quick show of hands – who here is surprised to learn that I inspired a story about a mental institution?  No one?  *sigh*  Yeah, me either.

Congrats Mary Mac!  I’ll be waiting for that photo.  So will the rest of the Interwebz…


  1. Yay!!! for marymac!!!! Those furry boots were damn sexy, no doubt a deal breaker. I, much like you, am unclear about the line of division between boobies and boobs. Le’sigh.
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..The Art Of Porn =-.

  2. Bug,
    I am a Sag with Saturn in my head and the sun up in Uranus. Awesome sign. So happy all the time. Fuck No.

    I am looking forward to reading the story. You know for some bizarre reason, I thought Dick was your brother then you had linked up to this sculpture awesome guy and called him your brother. Are you experiencing a brother load? So how are you related to Dick? Never mind don’t answer that.
    .-= Virginia´s last blog ..Quickies – Just Because I Can and I have a Vagina =-.

    1. I have a whole mess o’ brothers. While they are all dicks every now and again, none of them are actually Dick. (I’m assuming you speak of our dear little Mepsipax and his penchant for unicorns.)

  3. Sweet! Looking forward to the full story.

    Also, I’m a Sagittarius, and that’s all I know. Also, I know that my birthday is called “the day of the selective exhibitionist.” I know this because I spent a lot of time in Starbucks/Barnes & Noble in the three years before I turned 21. I looked it up.

    *flashes tits, anonymously, virtually*
    .-= Sarah P´s last blog ..Grateful blogs get Cra-zay, elbow-elbow, wink-wink =-.

  4. congrats to mrs mary mac mac mac all dressed in black black black! i can’t wait to read the full story. it was such a fun contest – thanks for the challenge and thanks for the shout out above!!! i’ll take runner-up status amongst all of these amazingly brilliant people who i worship anyday!

    i could only be happier if you would fulfill my prize, too. xoxo
    .-= patty punker´s last blog ..i’d show you my asshole but it’s not pink enough =-.

    1. I was thinking bout sending you and KeepingYouAwake bottles of home made wine, but he seems to have disappeared again. More for you.

      1. Aaaargh!?!?! I missed out on wine and stuff too! I knew Mary Mac won, but I somehow never saw this. I’m a shit friend. I need to fix that before I lose more wine because I bet Patty won’t share.

  5. Holy Single Mother of Jesus.
    How the? Fuck?
    I am totally flabbergasted. I think I am so excited I just farted, which means I just put the gas in flabbergasted.
    The mental institution thing is you, not me.
    I am so doucheasstastic that I can’t remember what I won– are you drawing a nude picture of me nude while we are hanging out drinking martinis in your room at BlogHer? Or something? Or Pez?
    Please advise…. and I love you! Thank you for accepting my generous payment in exchange for winning the contest- I am reallly glad that check didn’t bounce….
    .-= marymac´s last blog ..Sunday Bloody Mary (2) =-.

  6. Congrats to the winner!
    Elly, I’m really struggling with how much that bearded clam ensemble reminds me of my full blown white mink outfit that I rocked as a five year old.
    Okay, you know what?
    I’m starting to suspect it was rabbit.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..A Special Brand of Wonderful =-.

  7. Yes, yes, you’re very funny, missy, but it’s you I’ll be cursing when I’m nursing the baby at 4 AM and trying to go back to sleep while the voice in my head sings “Miss Mary Mac.” What comes after the silver buttons, buttons, buttons all down her back, back, back? Anyone?
    .-= Falling´s last blog ..The Bad Place =-.

  8. She asked her mother, mother, mother for fifteen cents, cents, cents to see the elephants, elephants, elephants jump over the fence, fence, fence.
    They jumped so high, high, high, they reached the sky, sky, sky and they didn’t come back, back, back till the 4th of July, July, July.
    Notice I TYPED OUT the repeated words instead of putting a (3) or “squared” symbol.
    I get points for that.
    Also, I can still do this hand dance like I’m a 4th grader on speed.
    Fuck YEAH!
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..A Special Brand of Wonderful =-.

    1. Aww yeah! I’ll see if I can get my husband to practice with me and we’ll perform the hand dance at the BlogHer talent show…right after we show ’em how to Kid n’ Play.

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