All You Need is Olive Oil and an Anus

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that at a family dinner…

I’d like to thank the infamous SubWow for reminding me I should probably try and take some sort of birthing class before I proceed to the actual blowing out of the bits.  (If you listen to this with headphones, it’s totally safe for work.)

And can we all just agree to refer to our mouths as our face vaginas from now on?  Brilliant.  Carry on with your day.


  1. I have trouble getting my vagina open. I can think of four separate situations in which I can use this line.
    Between the two holes is a bad neighborhood. Also using that.

    1. That’s a fair compromise. But don’t underestimate how much fun it can be to tell someone to shut their face vagina. Or that they have a little cream cheese in the corner of their face vagina. Or…

  2. “Shut your face vagina” is going into my pocket for safe keeping till the perfect opportunity arises. I think it will get a lot of use around here.

  3. I took the classes and found them to be a lot like college…lovely in concept but bearing little resemblance to actual life. I did take away one important fact, which I really used with kidlet #1 (there wasn’t time with #2): you can ask them to roll in a mirror, so you can see the birth yourself! Right then! Since you don’t have to video tape the birth to see it, there’s nothing to worry about destroying later, lest your hooch wind up on YouTube. Unless you want your hooch on YouTube, of course (I didn’t, at least not with a head coming out of it).

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