Some mornings I sit and look at this blank screen and I have abso-smurfly nothing to say. That little blinking cursor just appears and disappears, over and over again, relentlessly taunting my uninspired ass. This is such a day.
Fucking blinking cursor.
I just read that Ricky Martin is gay. In other breaking news, my name is Elly, Barack Obama is president, kale is good for you, and Rod Stewart is the antichrist. Insert my “no fucking way that just isn’t possible” vagina face here.
Please don’t slag on little Kiki Martin! He’s always been an honest to goodness nice guy – all the way back to Menudo! Ask anyone that’s ever worked with him and they’ll say the same thing. Yet no one ever thought he was straight. Never ever NEVER.
Shake your bon-bon, people? Really? Then again, once upon a time the masses also thought Clay Aiken, George Michael, Liberace, and Rosie O’ Donnell were straight. At the label, we always followed an unspoken “don’t ask don’t tell” policy about Ricky (which for some reason works better in the entertainment industry than in the military).
Initially I lumped Ricky right along with all the other dancing dolls of the late 90’s – another pretty face singing meaningless words. Then I attended the taping for his TV special on Liberty State Island. That man worked. HARD. He was flawless, entertaining, and damn sexy. Sixty seconds into his first song, I became a Ricky Martin fan.
Some people just exude raw sex appeal. Put a bag over their head, mute their voice, hell – stick ’em in a dark vacuum in a burlap sack and they’ll still ooze hot molten sex out of their every pore. Ricky is such a person. His charisma is so raw that it transcends appearance, age, gender or sexual orientation – like Adam Lambert, David Bowie, and the tiny purple wonder known yet again as Prince.
I’m too embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve seen him perform since then. Or how many times I clenched my jaw fighting the overwhelming urge to lick him while riding in the elevator. *sigh*
…and he’s gay. Duh.
It breaks my heart a little that this nugget of information is newsworthy. He’s gay. Last week he wasn’t? Does he suddenly have fewer record sales or number one hits? Has all his volunteer work against child trafficking suddenly lost it’s meaning? It just boggles my brain that people will now view him through a different lens, simply because he’s gay.
To be fair, I guess I view him a little differently today, too. I’m an even bigger fan now.
Apparently I did have something to say today. Word to you, Kiki. I’ll always be a fan – so long a you don’t do a duet with Rod. Just to be on the safe side, stay away from Bryan Adams too, k?