Hindsight is a bitch. I thought I really nailed that bachelorette thing, what with the pole dancing and mechanical bull riding. I thought I had that “Best Bridesmaid Ever” title on lock down.
Because if I was truly worthy of the title, I would have found this spa sooner and booked an appointment for the bride-to-be.
Vajazzling is so 2009. This fall it’s all about the Vattoo.
Vattooing: An airbrush tattoo applied directly after a completely bare bikini wax, Vattooing lets you live dangerously temporarily.
(Yes Mom, I’m about to insert a picture of a vagina here. To be fair, it really doesn’t look like a vagina. Not that I spend a whole lot of time looking at vaginas. I just talk about them a lot. Tell Dad “hi” for me! Oh and p.s., vagina.)
Because sometimes your uterus gets hot and needs it’s own red and yellow sweatband.
Rocco walked in as I was reading this article about the process. “Is that Willie Nelson?” he asked.
“Sort of. If Willie Nelson was a vagina, he would look like this.”
“That’s a vagina?”
“It was a vagina. Now it’s Willie Nelson.”
“So if that gal gets waxed, Willie will have the deepest cleft chin in the history of mankind.”
“I wonder if they would do Jesus…”
But seriously, how awesome would it be for Matt to whip off Gwen’s nightie on the honeymoon only to find Captain Jack Sparrow winking at him?