This Week’s Tweets

  • Just stood by while Dad explained to the optician that "The best thing for cleaning eyeglasses is white cotton underpants." #
  • Virginia bound. It's about time this kid found out about ranch dressing and sweet tea. #
  • Must be all those years living in Manhattan, but I get a bit agoraphobic when I can't reach the toilet and sink from inside the shower. #
  • Feels like the audiences from the presidential candidate debates (and maybe the candidates, too) have started a fight club in my colon. #
  • Well it took 3 1/2 months of diligently setting a good example, but Dad just used the word "boob" as a verb. I'm so proud. #
  • Dad to Paul: "Think of your diaper as truth – you must ration it." #
  • Three good things… #
  • Drew – "I basically stopped looking after I found the menage a trois." Drinking with this family is dicey. #

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