This Week’s Tweets

  • Apparently it's time to start boiling our drinking water. #
  • Mildred surveys the damage to her kingdom. http://t.co/hJF2uoa #
  • Should any of you other 8 mo pregnant ladies plan to hit a liquor store today, wear your filthiest wife beater to maximize dirty looks. #
  • Bagels are a breakfast food. They are served with cream cheese. Cheesecake is full of cream cheese. Therefore…. #MyKindOfTheorem #
  • There's not enough room in these pants for the both of us. #
  • Sitting here in NJ while Dad is being prepped for surgery in NC. Not my first choice. I can stay calm for six hours, right? *chews nails* #
  • Breathing deeply for the first time today – Dad's out of surgery and it went well. Now here's hoping he stockpiles the good drugs. #
  • This heartburn is so bad I'd swear someone smuggled matches in for the parasite. At what age does pyromania start to develop? #

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