First off, I just saw something that made me laugh so hard I peed a little. I’m just going to assume you need to laugh that hard too so:
I’m pretty sure that little girl is singing “Big Booty Bitches” while she stomps on those tulips. I certainly can’t stop. First thing I said this morning? WOO!
So my story competition was the best accidental idea EVER. You people make my day. Well, not you people that don’t have any intention of writing one. Frankly, I’m a little disappointed in you. Don’t worry though, with my attention span I’ll have forgotten all about this whole sordid incident by Happy Hour.
Mmmm Happy Hour.
Focus, Smelly. You should really try and make this post just the teensiest bit cohesive after that ramble-a-thon from yesterday. Oh I know! I’ll just tell you all the other things that made me laugh really hard in the last 24 hours!
- Vapid found a photo of a twat waffle.
- Keeping You Awake made a button for my douchey little site.
- My brother Drew doing the Big Booty Bitches WOO! on speaker phone. (Happy Birthday, Drewl!! I love the shit out of you. But not literally. That would be weird.)
- The counter offer we received on the house we’re trying to buy.
- Kelly wrote possibly the most beautiful sentence in the history of the universe: “He’s a mystery to us, this strong, quiet, chiseled specimen of masculinity that pumps a shotgun as artfully as he impregnates the mother of the savior of the human race.”
- Shawn showed me just how powerful boobs can be.
- I was offered the opportunity to make the consulting gig I’m currently drowning in a permanent, full-time position.
- Nicole made a chocolate replica of her vag…and served it to people…AFTER she served them stuffed shells. In other news, I NEED a kit to make my very own vagina mold. OBVIOUSLY. This year’s Christmas presents would be a breeze.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go iron my shower curtain for this weekend’s open house.