I’m already thinking about Thanksgiving. We’re not even through Halloween and I’ve already moved on to Thanksgiving, Interwebz. It’s enough to make a girl stick her head in the oven…if she didn’t know she’d have to pull her head right back out to deal with the fire alarm, that is.
Speaking of which, I need an unbiased opinion, Interwebz.
This weekend I was out in the wilds of Jersey with some of my friends, getting our grapes ready for this year’s barrel of wine. After we cleaned them, moved them to a giant vat, and added the yeasties and sulfites to do their cooking thing, we all congregated around a table to “taste” some wine and nibble on cheese. And then they turned on me.
“Did you really set off the fire alarm this week, Elly?”
“What were you cooking when it went off?”
“Did the fire department show up?”
My answer was the same with each question – “Which time?”
Would you hold on a second? I’m getting to the part where I need your opinion but this isn’t it yet. So stop threatening to buy me an Easy Bake Oven, already.
So then one gal asked me, “When is the last time you cleaned your oven?”
I took another swig from the bottle of wine before answering, “I vacuumed it just last week.”
Well you would have thought I’d just announced I’d raped a pony and forced it to slaughter a litter of kittens using only baby seals as weapons. People were tsk-ing, women were weeping, one guy shook his fist at the heavens in desperation while screaming “Why God, why?” (I may or may not be exaggerating ever so slightly) before they all regained their voices and started repeating the word “vacuumed.”
“Why would you use a vacuum?”
“You vacuumed your oven?”
“Like, with a vacuum vacuum?”
Is it just me or does that second u get to be really disconcerting after looking at that word more than three times?
Anyway, the general consensus from my group of fellow wine makers is that one should not clean an oven with a vacuum. (Interwebz, this is the part where I’m going to actually ask your opinion. Start paying attention again.)
They’re just saying that because they happen to all be part of a small, undocumented clan from a culture that believes vacuums suck out souls, right? I mean, you guys clean your oven with a vacuum, don’t you? I can’t really be the only one. I’m pretty sure Martha her self does it my way.
No, please don’t tell me that. The room is starting to spin already.
Well, hell. Now I’m so worked up I can’t possibly tell you why I’m already thinking about Thanksgiving. That will have to wait until tomorrow.
Can someone please hand me a paper bag and spoonful of icing so I don’t pass out?
I bet NPH vacuums his oven…you mean, heartless bitches.