Home. Sort of.

If I ever win a Tony, I sure do hope it’s a year when NPH is hosting.  I’ve already planned my acceptance.  First, I’ll lick my award – Paula Deen style, y’all.  Then, I’ll forgo a formal acceptance speech and dedicate my window of time to presenting a clear, concise […]

Caulk Blocked

Next time I tell y’all that I’m going to sell a book, sell an apartment, buy a house, and allow an alien fetus to take up residence in my spleenicular cavity SIMULTANEOUSLY, can one of you slap me?  In the face?  And maybe give me a mean, squinty-eyed, disapproving look […]

Give Me An Orange Perm and Call Me Annie

Well it’s amazing just how much sunnier a girl’s disposition can get with two full pee jugs and a sales contract on her apartment behind her.  That girl might even traipse around the house singing Kajagoogoo while eating chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.  What?  They have oatmeal in them. For […]