I Want to Party With Paula Deen

Forget Lindsay Lohan.  Forget Charlie Sheen.  You know who I want to party with? Paula Deen, y’all. Who else can take a ham to the face and just keep on laughing?  And her time management skills are pretty darn solid.  Unlike a certain girl that just spent forty-five minutes trying […]

Colored Pictures, Uncolored Cake

An embarrassingly long time ago, I started a little something I called my Portrait Project.  I had all these grandiose plans of blazing through a portrait a week, solving world hunger, and somehow sculpting my arms into perfect replicas of Michelle Obama’s guns.  Four months later, I’m way behind on […]

I’m the Best Wife EVAH!

Can you guess what I gave Rocco yesterday?  Candies?  Flowers?  Lingerie?  An oversized baby pink greeting card?  A blow job?  Hells no!  I made my husband a bacon bouquet for Valentines Day. I know. I fucking rule. I’ll just wait here while you ladies curse your lack of me-ness and […]

Making Cornbread For Reals

Listen up ya mess o’ Yankee bitches.  Yes I’m talking to you…you AND your Pyrex using, Pam spraying ways.  I’m tired of y’all messing up cornbread.  It’s time for an intervention.  As they say back home, listen up and pay attention so I can learn you right. This isn’t some […]

Fiesta o’ Fabulousness

Today I’m hosting my sad little Hoboken Thanksgiving for the handful of orphans I was able to round up.  Rocco has yet again banished me from the kitchen.  Sure I managed to ruin three cutting boards and break the lemon press, but we’re up three blisters and two new scars.  […]

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