So why didn’t anyone tell me a Glucose test involved getting stabbed four times? FOUR. I look like a junky. Or a cancer patient. Or someone on dialysis. Or a pregnant chick that just had her blood drawn four times.
I’m losing control of this analogy rather quickly.
Speaking of things I’m rapidly losing control of, let me tell you about another pregnancy symptom that no one warned me about. No, not THAT. Everyone knows about THAT. I’m talking about my salivary glands.
Yup. The DROOL.
I know I’ve mentioned it before, but we’ve reached new heights, Interwebz. I now long for the days when I merely had to place a towel on my desk to wipe up errant streams of spit. And sometimes it’s kinda fun to be able to drool on cue in the middle of someone’s boring story. But I draw the line when I start losing sleep because of saliva.
One minute, I’m blissfully waltzing with Neil Patrick Harris while smurfs and hobbits wage a war over grape rights. The next minute I’m ripped from sleep and trying to shake drool out of my ear. Yes my ear.
Nothing wakes me up faster than a tsunami of spit washing over my ear.
That’s not true. Fire alarms wake me up MUCH faster. And air horns. Fine. Lots of things wake me up faster that wet ears, but most of those things don’t happen twelve times a night, every single night. Just the air horns. And there were extenuating circumstances.
The point is, there is a LOT of drool involved here. I’m starting to worry about dehydration. And hearing loss. And mildew. And drowning. And if the collard greens in the produce drawer have already gone bad because I really haven’t looked at them in like a week and even though it’s not really related I just hate wasting food.
….and now I’m hungry again. Boy would Pavlov like to get his hands on me.