I’m having one of those days. I probably shouldn’t write on these days, yet obviously there’s a whole 800 words here cobbled into sentences and paragraphs. The brain is limping today, so forgive me if I wander.
Sometimes cancer just sucker punches you in the face and screams, “I’m your worst nightmare and don’t you forget it.” I don’t really have it in me to write about it today. Besides, it’s not really a wooHOo-FRIDAY kind of subject. But because I’m such unicorn loving, healing-thoughts-certainly-can’t-hurt type of girl, I’ll hit you with the good, the bad, and the ugly so you can send them each one warm thought today (or everyday) and then I’ll change the subject.
The Good – One of my dear friends just aced her most recent scan. She has to have one every six months. That brave, bad ass girl is breaking records and teaching those oncologists a thing or two about brain cancer. You go girl. Fist bumps and ass slaps all around!
The Bad – The news is in for Brandy’s boyfriend. It’s myeloma. Cross your fingers he responds well to treatment and sucker punches cancer in the balls.
The Ugly – Remember this guy? Sadly the cancer is not responding to the chemo. He’s currently being hospitalized for internal bleeding. Once that’s under control, they’ll try a different course of drugs. I don’t really even have the words to express how much his struggle shakes me to my very core – just a massive headache from tears I can’t seem to stifle.
Well. If that doesn’t put you in the mood for a wild night with friends, I don’t know what will. Just do me a solid – clink your glasses together three times and salute these fantastic fighters next time you’re toasting with your loved ones. Now on with your regularly scheduled (though slightly less jovial) post for the day.
I write things down. I’ve never had a stellar memory, even before I was dosed multiple times with toxic chemicals and radioactive fluids. (By the by, why didn’t I get a super power from all that nuking? Where is Stan Lee when a girl needs him, eh?) To compensate for my lack of clarity, I write shit down.
I write stuff everywhere – on my wrists, in notebooks, on post-its, on gum wrappers, on the subscription cards that fall out of magazines, on celery, on stuffed animals, on personal flotation devices, on any damn thing I can find when I feel the need to not forget something. Then I promptly forget where I wrote said information down.
I tried buying one of those mildly pompous moleskin notebooks, but I’ve lost three in as many months. Now I buy the little 99 cent numbers at the drug store and consistently only use the first five pages before they are forgotten on mass transit or abandoned beneath a grimy booth in a dark bar. I’m nothing if not consistent.
Most of the time it’s random little thoughts or quotes that really don’t NEED to be saved, so I don’t get too angsty when I can’t recall them on cue. I figure they’ll come back to me, or they won’t, and either way its ok. That makes them all the more amusing when I find them – unexpected, unexplained, unintelligible – on a folded napkin, in a pair of jeans from last winter, or inside a book I haven’t seen in months.
Yesterday I found a handful of such snippets. For some, I remember the circumstances. For others, I have no clue. For whatever reason, they just struck a chord with me. They may still resurface in later writings, but for now I just want to give them a more permanent home before I lose this notebook in a discarded piece of luggage.
- “He was the best car I have ever dated. I looked damn good in that truck.”
- As a young girl, I often dreamt of peddling tits.
- Jazz is for people that are exploring what they’re feeling and trying to put a name on it. Blues is the result of knowing your own heart completely. It’s what you sing when you already know why you’re hurting.
- “I’m not that drunk. My pants are just slippery.”
- If I can learn to accept Classic Rock, can I someday learn to accept God?
- “If she’d given herself credit for all that she had done, she might also have to admit what she gave up.”
- “It’s all fun and games until he sticks a plantain up your ass.”
- …riding in the back of an airplane watching all the heads sway in unison, like stalks of seaweed in the current.
- I already died once. It wasn’t half bad.
Does anybody else write down little one line snippets or a quick fragments of a thought? Care to share one?