It’s time, yet again, for the monthly wrap up of seriously disturbing search terms that landed people in my tiny little Buggin World.
“healthy shit” Obviously someone is really pumped about embracing a more health conscious lifestyle. Good call because this site is obviously the place to go what with all the references to wine, beer, and ranch dressing. I suppose it could be interpreted another way, but even I draw the line at documenting my bowel movements….so far at least.
“poconos kill polish” During my brief stay in the land of champagne glass shaped hot tubs, I didn’t see anyone kill anything. There were a lot of burly men clad in bright orange vests, but I doubt they were hunting little metal tins of tinted wax nor people whose ancestry can be tracked back to Poland. I think both groups can visit the area without fear of assassination – unless they strap on a pair of antlers and loiter in the woods.
“creamed corn panties” Ew. Seriously ew. Though the phrase does remind me of a NC band I use to love back in high school – Picasso Trigger. The lead singer would wear a huge Depends undergarment with the words “Surfs Up!” scrawled on her crotch. The bass player would spit water on the crowd while the guitarist would chug cans of creamed corn until he hurled on stage. *blink, blink* Ahem. That was in interesting trip down memory lane. In hindsight, maybe I can understand why Mom was a little weirded out by my musical taste.
“shamrock pasties” What else would you pair with creamed corn panties? I know what somebody’s getting for Valentines Day! Thank Vishnu its still frickin’ cold here on St. Patrick’s Day. The last thing I need to see is a bunch of stumbling co-eds wiping green vomit off their chests while trying to keep their pasties in place.
“I found God in Ohio” Well, duh. As Rocco always says, “If the end of the world comes we’re going back to Ohio. They won’t know about it for at least another five years.”
“my date vagina face” You really do need to distinguish between this and your “every day vagina face.” How many of your first dates have gone down (that’s what she said) in flames when you accidentally whipped out your “waiting in line at the grocery store vagina face” or your “what the hell did I just bite into vagina face.” This is a fun game! I’m going to start substituting “vagina face” every chance I get. What? Don’t judge. I see you making that scowly vagina face at me, Mom.
“dyed ferret” See?!?! You guys (and by you guys I mean Falling) had me thinking that ferret dying was not a typical past time. Obviously, I’m not the only one doing it. Maybe I’ll abandon blogging and set up a punk rock ferret shop in my apartment.
“I’m that baby mama I’m that baby daddy” You’re also a hermaphrodite and will doubtlessly be contacted shortly by TLC for a new and groundbreaking reality TV show. Congratulations. FYI – I’m more likely to watch your new show if you hire The Situation as your doula, k?
“shhh its almost over” That one ranks pretty high on the creepitude meter. It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the vagina face again. Maybe I should stop watching so much SVU.
Speaking of which, this post is almost over. I’m not even going to touch “Husker Du Gallipoli” because it just makes my head hurt. Also, to the person that sought “where should Ellie rub me” – I’m not rubbing you nowheres if you can’t even spell my name right. I’m totally giving you the stink eye vagina face right now.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go research ferret restraints and non-toxic dyes.