As promised, I’m back with the second ever “Weird Searches That Bring People to My Site” post. November’s searches might even be weirder than the first time I tried this. You’re probably going to want to grab a drink before you read this. But you should shotgun that drink because a) it’ll make this more amusing for us both and b) I wouldn’t want you to spit your white russian all over your keyboard again.
- “my snatch” A simple and eloquent phrase, no? I can’t help but giggle when Dad uses it in casual conversation – which is surprisingly often seeing as how he lacks one himself.
- “how to help make my uterus more sticky” I would think that a uterus is pretty damn sticky just by virtue of it being a human organ. They always look sticky when they open up the bodies on all the crime shows. Just in case someone uses that search again in search of an answer, I would suggest used bubble gum, old honey, or marshmallow fluff.
- “thanksgiving ferret costumes” Huh. Do you think this person wanted to look like a ferret, or did they want their ferret to look like a pilgrim? If you ever come back, Dear Searcher, can you let me know?
- “is vaginae the proper plural” Well Interwebz, I am shocked. Apparently my spell check recognizes THAT word. I’m still going to use “vaginas” instead and you can’t stop me. But I guess you could stop reading me and that might be even more traumatic than misspelling the plural of vagina. Oh what a tangled web…
- “best touch screen that won’t butt dial” I’m just thrilled to learn I’m not the only one suffering from the challenges that result from having evolved opposable ass cheeks.
- “mary lou retton unitard” I suppose it is the holiday season and people are researching potential gifts…like a used unitard with crotch sweat more than three decades old. If there are any elves reading, I’d like to state unequivocally that I do NOT need one of my own. But thanks, anyway.
- “excessively meaningless” Well, Hell! I think I just found myself a slogan for the site! Anyone for a t-shirt?
And that concludes this month’s “Weird Searches That Bring People to My Site” post. I’m pleased to report a decline in searches involving the word “porn” though people are still diggin’ on “tightrope straps” and it’s hard to believe the two aren’t related. (That was an unfortunate string of words to Google. I must now go claw out my eyes.)