Sappy But Sincere

Thom (ever supportive) tells me I’m a two trick pony and I seem to only write about house hell or bracelets.  I’m tired of talking about the house stuff so back to bracelets.

My favorite, is a silver chain with “embrace life” engraved on the charm.  It doesn’t hurt that the bracelet was a gift from one of my all-time favorite people.  I half suspect part of her motivation was to prevent me from having those words tattooed on my bod.  Actually, it just frees me up to ink some other words to live by elsewhere…oh the options!

Interestingly enough, she gave me the bracelet before I was diagnosed, but after I’d already decided to make some pretty big changes in my life.  That’s the part of the whole cancer thing that I find so very darkly amusing.  I got the whole order completely screwed up.  Isn’t it supposed to be work like a dog at something you’re not sure you love, get sick, realize you don’t love what you do, get better, then change your life?

In the fall of ’08 I was sitting with a trio of girlfriends and discussing quitting my job and changing direction.  I vividly remember saying,”I don’t think you should have to be faced with some sort of life threatening disease or huge personal loss to decide to make a change.”  Sigh.  I’d already figured it out, damnit.  Cancer was a bit of overkill, don’t you think?  Then again, I’m not really known for doing things the easy way.

So my theory is there’s a reason I’m doing this all whacky.  Maybe I would have talked myself out of all this had I not gotten sick.  Maybe my body had been operating at such a high level of stress for so long that the moment relief hit, everything just failed.  I seem to remember getting a cold at the end of every semester in college after the long hours of cramming for exams.  Maybe this was the same thing, just super-sized.  The bod just had to scream – ENOUGH!  And then I had to mumble back sheepishly – all right all ready, jeez.

Hopefully I won’t forget all the drama that got me here – to a pretty damn happy and healthy place (over five months in remission!).  I like to think of my bracelet as a little talisman reminding me what I was (which I’m so proud of), what I am, and what I will be.

I know, I know, cue the strings and Bette Middler crooning.  At least I made it through an entire post without cursing…at least in writing.


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