Pubic Enemy #1

I know this news is a couple days old now, but I just can’t stop thinking about it.

A 37-year-old woman in Florida has been charged with reckless driving after causing an accident because she was distracted as she shaved her pubic hair.

The things people send me…it just makes my heart swell with pride.  I love it when an email starts out with, “Is it sad that I think of you…when running across these types of stories?”  It’s not sad at all, Interwebz.  In fact, it’s splendid!  My life would have been empty had I somehow missed this jewel of an article.  You are a prince amongst men, Marc.

The Florida Highway Patrol says a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

I’ll be adding this article to the pile of evidence I’m accumulating to justify my aversion to attacking my nether regions with knives and/or molten substances.  (You hear me Wicked Shawn?)

Also a recipient of the article, Creamed Corn commented, “Wasn’t she afraid of cutting herself?”  I can just picture her dipping a Lady Bic into a water filled coffee mug sloshing in the console’s cup holder while smearing globs o’ shaving cream on her snatch.  That’s just plain messy and too much work.  I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt, assume she has at least a little intelligence, and guess she used an electric razor.  That’s what Rocco uses when he manscapes on roadtrips.

After the accident, Barnes reportedly continued to drive for approximately half of a mile before stopping. Initially, her ex-husband Charles Judy claimed to be driving and insisted Barnes was in the passenger seat. The ruse was quickly discovered by investigators.

The Lovely Megan Barnes
The Lovely Megan Barnes

Whadya reckon the “ruse” was discovered when the investigators noticed the drivers side seat was covered in pubes?  Looks like all these years of watching crime shows is honing my deductive skills, eh?

I can’t get that old Tribe Called Quest song out of my head.

Now, here’s where I get a little confused.  Take a gander at the bubbly Ms. Barnes.  Girlie is so dedicated to her grooming regime that she couldn’t dream of foregoing her weekly twat trimming, yet she has no problem leaving the house with those roots?  If she’d taken the time to shower and wash that greasy hair, she might have noticed a different patch of hair was also in need of attention.

Then again, maybe she didn’t have time to stop by her local craft store to pick up a Vajazzle Yourself Kit AND shower all in the same day.

Yes folks, these are the thoughts that keep me up at night.  I hoped that writing about it might get all these visuals out of my head so I could sleep.  We’ll never know, for I made the mistake of watching the new Lady Gaga video.  It’s safe to say I won’t be sleeping at all this weekend.


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31 thoughts on “Pubic Enemy #1

  1. OMG. I heard this story from my son, who said it was a 76 year old woman. That’s a whole other visual isn’t it?! In his defense, I may have heard him wrong. But either way, this little tidbit was vigorously discussed and dissected over dinner the other night.

    I agree that if she’d only taken time to shower, the whole thing could have been avoided. And if you must groom in the car, waxing is the only sane option.

    I’m so glad you keep me in the know, with vagina news tidbits,
    ♥Spot
    .-= Spot´s last blog ..For the love of Bob, make your own damn dinner!! =-.

    1. Giggle. Vagina tidbits.

      The way I hear it, grooming o’ the pubes is far less necessary as a gal gets older. I won’t tell you who told me that. I’ll just say it was Carol the Barrel.

  2. This is great, but it just brings up so many questions that I need answered. Like, why are they divorced? I mean, she’s a peach clearly, doing the necessary trim work and all. And while driving? That shows dedication. Next time she should ask him to trim her while she drives. Then again, I don’t know if that job should be entrusted to an ex-husband.
    .-= Andrea´s last blog .."You Dropped A Bomb On Me" =-.

  3. Thank you reminding me that my vag needs a good shave. Beginning to look like dreads down there. Have to go pick up a gallon of buttermilk at the store for the kiddies later – will do it on my way.

    And now I will never ever get into somebody else’s car for fear of sitting on top of a giant pile of greasy pubes…
    .-= Amanda@BrilliantSulk´s last blog ..I Think I Just Saved $280,000 =-.

  4. Holy Hell, so much to say!! First of all, I thought that looked like Whore Mouth, so I won’t pick on her much, other than to say, simply promising to give ex a bj after she finished her trim work would have surely convinced him to drive. Seriously, she had to DRIVE while he was in the car with her??? WTF???!!!

    As for the video, simply put, Beyonce, darling, you have a smoking hot body and a voice that my One Hit Wonder ass would kill for, please quit teaming up with 2010’s version of the David Bowie. Thank you and goodnight.
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Wicked Wednesday Q & A =-.

  5. Um, beaver cleaver chick is the same age as me…someone PLEASE tell me I don’t look like that!!!

    As for the Gag a video, I couldn’t watch it because it took too fucking long to load! argh.

    I love you, though…so you’ve got that going for you…which is nice 😉
    .-= lagunatic´s last blog ..Tub nuggets, CHEERS! =-.

  6. Wow! I learned the breaking news here! In her defense, I don’t see there is anyway you could color your roots while driving. Unless you have someone sitting in the backseat and that actually would have been safer. Thanks! You just solved my problem of WHEN exactly I could highlight my hair again since the roots are showing. Next time when I am driving I am bringing my hairdresser…

    So did anybody figure out how she was busted? I bet Monk was involved in solving this.

  7. Is it weird that I just assumed she was half crouching in the seat with one leg under her and the other working the pedals? I mean, isn’t that how we all drive?

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