Me: Are you looking forward to your trip to Paris?
Gwen: I guess so. I’m not very prepared.
Me: What, like you’ve got no clean underwear? You don’t have all your vaccinations?
Gwen: No, I haven’t read any of the guide books or picked up any French phrases.
Me: You don’t know any French? Not even the lyrics to Lady Marmalade?
Gwen: Well, I know how to say “thanks” and “pardon” but that’s about it. I don’t even know how to say “you’re welcome.”
Me: Its not “de nada?”
Gwen: That’s Spanish.
Me: Well apparently I don’t know any French either. Though I do love me some fromage.
Gwen: Matt has all the guide books and he’s been there like three times already. I’m not worried about it. I’m really just in it for the croissants and the shopping.
Me: Well then all you need to know is “merde.”
Gwen: What’s “merde” mean?
Me: “How much is this?” It’s the French version of “cuanto cuesta.” When you’re shopping or at a croissant shop, just point at the thing you want and ask, “Pardonnez-moi, merde s’il vous plait?” The French love it when you use their language. You’ll get fantastic service.