I’m all about the emoticons. Well, maybe not ALL about them. I get all stabby when AIM throws one of those smiley face rainbows across my window, but otherwise I take no major issues with emoticons. In fact, Magda introduced me to the best one ever!
â€¹^â€º â€¹(-¿-)â€º â€¹^â€º
Yup. I’m all for tools of self expression.
Except for this whole “<3” thing people are doing. I understand that you THINK it looks like a heart. It doesn’t. It really doesn’t. I can think of a slew of other things that little symbol brings to mind before a heart. Don’t believe me? Here’s a whole list right off the top of my head:
- A mouse face
- An ice cream cone
- Camel toe
- A naked baby wearing a dunce cap
- The Tarheel mascot (boo. hiss. GO DUKE!)
- A very strange nose
- A brownie riding a hawk while carrying a Daikini baby
- Less than three
- Fish lips
- A garden gnome with a Dali mustache
- A Tim Burton character with really big boobs
But most of all? (Mom, stop reading now.) It looks like a scrotum and shaft, folks. Look at it again and tell me you still see a heart. Right? So when I people writing things like, “I <3 my new puppy!” I get a little freaked out.
It reminds me of this gal I worked with a zillion years ago. She always got the words garner and garnish confused. I was constantly chewing on the insides of my cheeks when she’d talk about her plan to garnish record sales for one of her artists. I’m equally amused when I see people saying, “I <3 the Bahamas,” or “Canada <3’s Alexandre Bilodeau.” (Poor Alex! Yes, yes – we established quite some time ago that I’m thirteen.)
So I beg of you, Interwebz. Stop using the symbol…unless you’re a gay man writing about Johnny Weir or Tiger Woods talking about pretty much anything with boobs. That’s absolutely, one hundred percent the correct use of “<3.”