It’s time for yet another installment of “The Peeps at the Vaginalyzer’s Office Have No Idea How to Handle Me”:
Me (writing name on sign-in sheet): I’m here and I brought my vagina!
Clueless Receptionist: Pardon me?
Nurse: Hey crazy, how you feeling?
Me: Like I need a margarita.
Clueless Receptionist: It’s kind of early for a drink, isn’t it? It’s only 10:30.
Nurse: Well, that…and she’s pregnant.
Me: So THAT’s why I have an appointment with a OBGYN! Really the pregnant thing was my greater deterrent. Lord knows I’d normally be through a fifth of vodka this time of day.
Clueless Receptionist: *blink, blink*
Rocco (whispering): Oh Jesus.
Nurse: You don’t have that much longer until you can have a drink every now and again, girl.
Clueless Receptionist (flips through chart): Actually, you have quite some time before you can drink.
Nurse: Well, just until the child finishes developing. You know…
Me: So like, when the kid is 35?
Don’t even get me started on just how well the doctor received my pee jug jokes…