I Look Just Like Angelina Jolie (But Different)

It seems I’m allergic to something other than Rod Stewart.  I woke up this morning with gigantic Angelina Jolie lips protruding from my face.  This photo is AFTER I took a Benadryl last night to try and combat the swelling.

Fat Lips
Fat Lips

I’m a human frickin’ pufferfish.

I have a giant hemorrhoid for a mouth.

I’ve seen baboon asses that were less inflamed.

My mouth is bigger than Matthew McConaughey’s ego.

It’s even bigger than Greg Oden’s well documented dong.

It’s really quite uncomfortable, I must admit.  Yet I can’t help but crack up every time I pass a mirror.  I look like I’ve had more collagen injected in these bad boys than Octomom has.

My ever supportive husband suggested a I try a blow job to calm the swelling.  What a prince among men.  Remind me to smack him when he gets home.

Speaking of which, Mom thinks I might be allergic to Rocco.  “Guess you’ll just have to get rid of him then.”  After his previous helpful suggestion, I’m considering it, Mom.

That’s all I have for you today as I’m going to take another Benadryl and most likely spend the majority of the day in a drug induced haze drooling on the couch.  So all in all, it should be a pretty standard Saturday.  Score.

While I’m watering my throw pillows, feel free to add your own interpretation of what the hell ever is happening on my face right now.

Summabitch.


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20 thoughts on “I Look Just Like Angelina Jolie (But Different)

  1. Firstly, that’s an improvement on Angelina. secondly, this same thing has been happening to me since July. Turns out (for me) it’s corn. Corn hates me. Corn is Satan. Corn wants everyone who sees me to think I have an infectious disease. You must find what it is that hates you, and it’ll probably be something you love.
    .-= Jaime´s last blog ..Follow the leader… =-.

    1. What is RIGHT with you? It’s hard for me to use the word dong without a reference to Sixteen Candles. “Have you seen my automobile?”

      I’m a hot mess on 50mg of Benadryl.

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