It seems I’m allergic to something other than Rod Stewart. I woke up this morning with gigantic Angelina Jolie lips protruding from my face. This photo is AFTER I took a Benadryl last night to try and combat the swelling.
I’m a human frickin’ pufferfish.
I have a giant hemorrhoid for a mouth.
I’ve seen baboon asses that were less inflamed.
My mouth is bigger than Matthew McConaughey’s ego.
It’s even bigger than Greg Oden’s well documented dong.
It’s really quite uncomfortable, I must admit. Yet I can’t help but crack up every time I pass a mirror. I look like I’ve had more collagen injected in these bad boys than Octomom has.
My ever supportive husband suggested a I try a blow job to calm the swelling. What a prince among men. Remind me to smack him when he gets home.
Speaking of which, Mom thinks I might be allergic to Rocco. “Guess you’ll just have to get rid of him then.” After his previous helpful suggestion, I’m considering it, Mom.
That’s all I have for you today as I’m going to take another Benadryl and most likely spend the majority of the day in a drug induced haze drooling on the couch. So all in all, it should be a pretty standard Saturday. Score.
While I’m watering my throw pillows, feel free to add your own interpretation of what the hell ever is happening on my face right now.