Hero

Gwen:  Where did Matt go?

Me:  He’s tasting the olives.

Gwen:  SonofaBITCH!  I want to taste olives, too.  And I need help carrying these damn heavy squashes.  Matt!  Matt!!  I need you to help me carry this, and I want olives too!  Seriously!

[Matt saunters over happily chewing and smiling.  I pretend to be entranced by potatoes as several tense moments pass.]

Gwen:  Did you bring the bags, Baby?

Matt:  Of course I did!

Gwen:  You’re my hero.

Me:  Christ, you went from a total and complete jackass to a hero in under nine seconds.  I’ve got whiplash.

Matt:  Welcome to my world…spin the wheel.


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