I received an email yesterday from Guy Lombardo. My first thought was, “Spam.” Then my second thought was, “Heh, Lombardo is a fun word.” Then my third thought was, “Wasn’t there some sports type person named Vince Lombardo? I wonder if they’re related.” Then I started humming Auld Lang Syne and set off on a Google quest to see if Guy and his Royal Canadians had ever played in the World Series.
Thirty minutes and a seventeen listens to Managua, Nicaragua (Ole!) later, I remembered the actual email. And I read it. And as it turns out, it’s not Vince and Guy that are related. (Actually they still might be for all I know. I didn’t actually research it.) I’m related to Guy Lombardo. He’s my brother!
Rather, my brother Drew decided to change his email preferences so that he shows up in my inbox as Guy Lombardo. Because obviously.
If you cross your eyes, they do kinda look alike.
Also this is why I always have headaches. My siblings confuse me. That and I spend a lot of time with my eyes crossed. And not just because it makes Mildred’s cone look an awful lot like He-Man’s Battle Cat.
Is anyone else having trouble staying focused today? Maybe I need some caffeine.
Oh right. Back at the email from my brother, Guy Lombardo…
“I can’t believe I’m potentially contributing to the grossness that is your blog — but I guess I don’t have to read it —and you don’t have to post it. So there.”
So of course I clicked on the link. Because who doesn’t click in a link from Guy Lombardo, right? And this is what I found.
What? Like your family doesn’t send you links to instructional tampon craft sites…
Note to previously mentioned instructional tampon craft site: If you need to clarify that the tampons included in your list of “materials” should be “unused,” it’s highly unlikely your readers are functioning at a high enough mental capacity to operate a hot glue gun. Also a tampon menorah is too weird for words.
Sadly I can’t find a video of anyone performing a Guy Lombardo song on the tampon pan flute, so this will have to suffice – a man playing a cabbage. Now your head can hurt, too.