For the Record

I’ve never chewed my way through a screen, but I’m pretty sure my brothers have had this conversation.

While there’s not much I won’t do for a laugh, I won’t be donning this for your amusement.

This either.

And last but not least, this is the single scariest picture I’ve ever seen.

Need me to help you focus on the scary part?  Here you go.

That’s a foot hanging out a hooch.  I’ve ridden enough planes, sat through enough movies, and sang through enough musicals with my tall siblings to know that long limbs are always extended into aisles.  Did I tell you Paul is tall?  The one time you don’t want to hear your kid is “above average” is when he’s planning on blowing his way out your kayak.  My vagina is an aisle.  And this kid needs leg room.  Oh dear GOD.
In the words of Forrest Gump, that’s all I have to say about that.


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20 thoughts on “For the Record

  1. You know what that picture says to me?
    It’s cold out there so let me sample the outside environment gingerly and tentatively just with the tip of this toe.
    Wow, it’s fucking sub zero compared to tepid water world, let me crawl back up until the drugs kick in.

  2. Honestly, I was most horrified by that skirt! Is that wrong of me?

    What can I say? My kayak and I have seen a lot……… 🙂 ummmm…….of childbirth situations, yeah, that’s where I was going with that….*lying but quick recovery vagina face*

  3. Jesus H. Christo! My vagina just fainted. And that’s only because of the maternity “skirt.” It went into a coma after the footling business. I guess it’s better than the baby reaching out a hand and saying, “Can I get a high five?”

  4. The more I think about it the more I’m feeling like I missed an opportunity to have someone “blow through my kayak” since my kids were c-section.
    Mine was more like John Hurt’s Nostromo dinner time Alien unveiling but with a spinal.

  5. Once again, we women trumped men. You think your hernia is bad? Try having a foot hanging out of your vagina!

    WINNING AGAIN!

    p.s. of course, I understand that this situation in real life is very very dangerous and not a joking matter. etc etc.

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