Today’s grammatically correct and well written post is from the surprisingly tall RySal. You can normally find her baking away while listening to They Might Be Giants over at For The Birds. She has, quite possibly, the sexiest set of legs I’ve ever seen. But because I was warned she was a wee bit shy, I managed to NOT lick them at BlogHer…but just barely. She was kind enough to take a moment during her gynecologist appointment to write this little piece. I’m going to assume she was still in the waiting room rather than poking away at her iPad while the doc was poking away at her iCervix.
Pssst… Hi there, shhh shhh — don’t speak above a whisper, please. I’m trying to gauge the temperature of my surroundings before I raise my voice… because I’ve never been in here before and given the ownership– I don’t want to unnecessarily ruffle any feathers.
Because this is Elly’s blog, and she isn’t here today, I am.
And woah woah woah, hold on a sec. Don’t get all, who the hell are you and what have you done with Elly– she’s fine, maybe… although I’m really just placating you because I have no idea where or how she is right now. But whatevs– you can stone me all you like–I have Mildred to worry about which is way more intimidating.
It’s quite nice here, although I can’t figure out where that noise is coming from. Do you hear it, kind of like a murmuring hum that keeps… Oh never mind. No really, it really is pleasant here. I know– one would expect to have vattooed orgy filled hallways and kittens playing ukuleles, sitting on magic toad stools– but no…. Just a few mythical unicorns scalping unused theater tickets…I am quite I impressed by the sex toy collection, but it could use a little organizing– I hope Elly isn’t too particular, but let’s go with color, followed by shape and then size. There, that’s much better.
So, what am I doing here? Well… Elly has been a little busy lately preparing a friend for wedded bliss. And while I am totally aware that I really don’t have any business being here, my curiosity was overbearing. Because if you’ve stopped in before, you know– Elly can be addictive…. Like lip balm or sodium…. She reads through the internet finding things that couldn’t possibly exist, and then she makes sure that we all know…. Like the time she read about a woman arrested for driving while shaving her pubic hair, and then felt it necessary to tell us about it. Yeah, that…. Because how else would any of us known about it? That which is now permanently burned on my brain… Thanks for it, really… The knowledge has helped me on more than one occasion.
But Elly isn’t just addictive because of her vast knowledge on all things, ahem, down there… She’s also quite graceful about throwing herself down flights of stairs while singing show tunes…. Consistently making me laugh while saying Are you KIDDING ME!?! Because the answer is no… She isn’t. Because that stuff really exists, and thanks to Elly for letting me know. Oh and I figured out the noise, and why Rod Stewart isn’t touring this summer… He’s here, under the kitchen sink, battling it out with the original cast of FAME and the Village People. One things for certain… Never a dull moment.