I’m still spending way too much time online, surfing the dregs of the Interwebz, and finding some seriously disturbing things…but at least I’m getting paid for it, right? Last night my dreams were a terrifying mashup of I Can Has Cheezburger and freaky German shot-in-a-bunker porn (no link for you – I have standards). Suffice it to say I am not well rested this morning.
Because I’m all about the multi-tasking, I figured I might as well get some blogging material out of the experience in addition to the paycheck and some lovely new malware installed on my machine. Besides, it would be just plain wrong if I didn’t share the beautiful images (like the one to the left) and links to vampire inspired dildos (they sparkle in the sunlight! seriously you must read the product description) that I’ve found in my virtual expeditions.
They say if you stand on a street corner in New York City long enough, you’ll see yourself walk by. Apparently if you surf the web long enough, you’re likely to stumble upon yourself as well. Yesterday I saw myself…and it was not pretty.
Let’s review my employment history for a moment, shall we? When I moved to town, I scored a gig at a booking agency where I helped my boss download porn via his dial up connection to aol. Then I spent a few years working at various other music companies, conducting meetings at strip clubs, making sure there were enough “girls” on guest lists, defending my office equipment from sheep – typical music industry stuff. Then I took a normal, corporate-style gig all about the online publishing platform, surprisingly devoid of hookers and blow.
If you were to take all those work experiences, glob them into the metal bowl of one of those shiny fancy stand mixers, beat on high for fifteen minutes, bake it into a jump drive, then upload it to the Interwebz, I’m pretty sure this is what you’d end up with. Oh go ahead. I’ll still be here when you’ve finished downloading and installing the program so you can “get a new girl every morning for free.”
Is there an emoticon for son-of-a-bitch-why-didn’t-I-think-of-that-slash-hanging-my-head-in-shame-for-wishing-I’d-thought-of-that? What jewels of the Interwebz will I find today?