It seems I’m developing a reputation. Obviously it’s completely unfounded, but some of you seem to think I talk about lady bits quite a bit. You should see the things Kelly says about little old me. (By the by, nincompoop is one of my all time favorite words.)
It’s all lies, I tell you. LIES.
I’m a pristine totem of purity.
Cue the heavenly chorus.
Can you tell who feels a little under the weather and sleep deprived this morning? Yes. I suppose you’re right. Lindsay Lohan almost definitely feels that way, but I was talking about me that time. That reminds me I need to get some prescriptions refilled. Thanks, Lindsay.
Since Kelly brought up the subject already, can I tell you I actually heard someone refer to her vag as a “Choo Choo” the other day? I have to say it again. Choo Choo. As in a choo choo train.
I’m so confused. How does that even make sense? Does her vag run on coal and emit smelly ash? Does she use it to haul cargo across the country? Do hobos sometimes ride that thing all night when they’ve got nowhere else to go?
Oh wait, that last one kinda worked. Damn. Heh.
Or maybe that’s the sound she makes when she’s coming into the station.
Maybe I should stop talking…
*dozes off briefly and drools on keyboard*
As I mentioned earlier, a friend of mine is currently trying to convince her boyfriend to stop referring to her flower of power as “The Clam.” Normally, I love a good euphemism. Pikachu, holy grail, kayak, muff, machu picchu – really, I can roll with any of those. (I meant the nicknames, ya big perv.) But The Clam and Choo Choo? Really? That makes Skittles just shrivel up in disgust.
I can’t decide if I’m horrified, amused, or fascinated by all this new slang for vagina that’s suddenly up in my face. (Heh.) I’m going to go with “all of the above.” Now I just have a slew of burning questions.
If you, like Kelly, have a hard time saying “vagina,” what do you call your pinnacle of pleasure? For the straight men reading this (both of you), do you have a nickname for your girl’s treasure trove? Ladies (and I use that term loosely), is there a name that when uttered will send you packing? Are wedges really out of fashion again? Do you think the hard boiled eggs from Easter are still safe to eat if I kept them in the fridge this whole time?
One last thought on pussies before I lose consciousness. I’m going to have a hard time keeping this one off the pole. Where can a girl score eight tiny matching pasties?
*Wakes up suddenly after head crashes into keyboard. Wanders off in search of caffeine.*