Rocco: Last time I went to your family reunion I was on good behavior. Am I allowed to just be myself this trip?
Me: Writing “Elly’s Bitch” on your nametag is good behavior?
Rocco: Your Dad said it was ok.
Me: I’m not sure you should look to Dad as your mentor in such social circumstances.
Thom: I’m going to put my name as “Rocco’s Bottom.”
Me: I’m not sure that’s going to get all the response you’re hoping for. Maybe “Rocco’s Top” is a better way to go.
Thom: Maybe “Rocco’s Fourth Hole” then.
Me: That’s disgusting. No. NO. Wait, I should write this down.
Rocco: You know it does no good for me to be on good behavior if your family reads this shit on your blog. I might as well just be myself.
Look out, Middletons. I tried.