Bug for Office

Election time in Hoboken always makes me giggle.  Our last mayor held office a whopping twenty-three days before he was arrested by the feds for embezzling.  In fact, most of our former mayors are currently serving time in a penitentiary situation.  Corruption is kinda our thing.

I know, you’re thinking, “Of course it’s corrupt, it’s JERSEY.”  And that, Interwebz, is completely true.  But Hoboken is probably the most corrupt town in Jersey (With the possible exception of Albany.  Which isn’t even in Jersey.  I should probably ease up on these meds.).  If New Jersey were the Jackson 5, Hoboken would be Michael.  (I’m not entirely sure that analogy works, but you’d totally get it if you were on these cold meds.  Trust me.)

I’m always excited to rip open my sample ballot.  Why?  Because Hobokenites come up with the best political slogans ever.  For example, last election some one ran under the “I Have Proof NSA Did 911” slogan.

There are two doozies on this current ballot.  The first, “Politicians Are Crooks” seems to be pretty straight forward, but amusing none the less.  The one that makes my head hurt (more than the sinus pressure already hurts) is the “Gravity Buoyancy Solution” slogan.

Does anyone have any idea what that means?

Is it somehow related to Hoboken being a river town that occasionally loses large chunks of the waterfront into the churning Hudson because our engineers seem to have mail-order degrees?  If we were more buoyant, would those chunks of Hoboken just bob along in the river until we could reattach them with duct tape and super glue?  Is gravity the enemy here or the river?  I’m so confused.  Is he going to petition Congress to abolish gravity?

Is this just a weird Jersey thing?  Do you people have candidates with bizarro slogans printed right on the ballots, too?

I looked it up.  If I run for office in Jersey I can have a three word slogan next to my name.  Fortunately KeepingYouAwake made my political banner long ago.

Now wouldn’t that look nice on a wooden stake in your neighbors front yard?


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46 thoughts on “Bug for Office

    1. That is so cool! I would totally vote for Gravity Bouyancy Solution for mayor. Save the world by putting water tanks on the roof. Shit! Why didn’t I think of that. A fat lot of good my engineering degree turned out to be.

  1. I think this candidate is saying “Shit floats, but I have the solution”, which I doubt, frankly. RI citizens are always talking about how corrupt the state is, like RI is the only state that has the problem. Nope, their are crooks and wiseguys everywhere (but I did read somewhere that most of them reside in Jersey:-))

  2. i’m no engineer, but i’m pretty sure gravity bouyancy is an oxymoron. gravity is what ails me, and bouyancy is what young girls and pole dancers have. that’s not rocket science. sheesh.

    i want to be your campaign manager! i believe in the bug.

  3. I live in the state that had a professional wrestler for a governor and has a comedian for a senator. And? Oddly enough, they don’t put their wacky slogans on the ballot. They should. Because people don’t make fun of us enough yet.

  4. Republicans in Colorado are trying to get a guy who claims to be able to “stop illegal immigration cold” elected.

    Which is hilarious. Like one guy can do what an entire government has never been able to do.

    They’re also trying to get a dude who hates abortions and gay people elected.

    Two strikes for going back to the Stone Age.

  5. You have to love the freaks that run for office. They add the pizazz you need to keep even a smidgen of interest. I don’t know how big Midnight Oil were in the US but their frontman Peter Garrett sold his soul to the devil and is now a member of parliament. This is a man most famous for his disturbing dance style and looking like a serial killer. Twas a great band though.

  6. They have that guy, Jimmy McMillan, in New York who got 90,000 signatures to start his own party, Rent Is Too Damn High.

    If I lived in New York, I’d vote for that guy. Not just because of his party. He also has a kickass beard.

  7. Frankly, I’m crushed. I have been waging a endless battle for YEARS to get rid of fucking gravity.
    It made my face droop and pulled my breasts too far south. It prevents me from bounding effortlessly along like a weightless superhero. Can you imagine the flips and kicks you could execute if stupid gravity wasn’t always bringing you down?
    Gravity is a friend to no one. Mark my words.
    You’ll agree the next time it grabs your sunglasses and throws them on the ground for you to retrieve.

      1. You know, I didn’t stop to consider the hair but it would be awesome to let your toothbrush float by and then fly upside down with your mouth open to see if you could get it in.
        I wonder if you lived on the space station if you would slow the aging process at all? I mean nothing is really pulling on you.

  8. Huh. I was born in NJ, but we moved before I turned 2. I sure missed a lot.

    You should run for office! I’d vote for you!! There are apparently many more women voters than men. You;d win for sure.

    “A vote for the Bug is a vote for the Vag!!”

  9. I am SO glad to see that my tagline for you has made it so far. Lot of research went into it. I didn’t really have the money for 125 test tubes for my experiments, or a safe blast chamber, but I made do and here we are. Wow. I don’t know what else to say. I just wish that monkey hadn’t escaped his cage.

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