Bleeping Unicorns, How Do They Work?

Obviously, I really need to stop following this whole Juggalo / Tila Tequila thing.  Then again, the frickin’ New York Times is covering it now, so maybe I’m more highbrow than I realize.   That’s me, a highbrow gal that can’t stop referencing the Insane Clown Posse.  I’m pretty sure this all the evidence we need to confirm the douchepocalypse is here.

Pink Fringe? Yes Please.

So obviously, only one thing can save us…Unicorns.

Actually, it’s Debra of SheWhoSeeks fame who keeps sending me unicorn-themed balls of happiness which I must now share with you.  So I’m pretty sure Debra is the only one that can save us…and the unicorns.

(I’m a little overwhelmed with this upcoming wedding.  Is it starting to show?)

In anticipation of the upcoming Gwatification…er, I mean wedding, Debra found me this lovely bridesmaid dress.  Sadly, Gwen refused to budge from her original selection.  Obviously she is cruel and hates me.  How else could she deny me this pink fringed fabulosity?  *sigh*  I probably shouldn’t complain too much, or that bitch might still slap on a butt bow.

I officially decree this dress to be the 2nd best piece of unicorn clothing I’ve ever seen.  The title of first place still goes to my all time favorite t-shirt ever.

In other news, Debra is a little bit warped.  I like that in a person.  Obviously.  *darts eyes towards Gwen, then towards Rocco, then towards entire family…repeatedly*  Which is really the only explanation I have for including this cartoon.  Because in reality, seeing a unicorn trapped in a bear trap totally brings out my sad vagina face.

…and then there’s this video.  Honestly, I still have no idea how I feel about this.  I’ve asked a bunch of my friends how I feel about it, but they just look at me funny.  It starts out all lovely and captivating, filled with dancing birds and a decidedly groovy song.   And then a raccoon starts shitting pool balls and the unicorns appear.  Wait, I’m not going to ruin it for you.  Go ahead and watch it, I’ll wait.

So maybe you can tell me, Interwebz.  How DO I feel about this video?  Am I ok with two unicorns getting their epic freak on?  Is this more proof that I just don’t do enough drugs?


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23 thoughts on “Bleeping Unicorns, How Do They Work?

  1. Do you know what the truly sad part of all this is, Elly? I only send you a small, small fraction of the horrible unicorn crap I come across on the Interwebz. It just “finds me” somehow — I don’t go looking for it. Honest.

  2. I did watch that video when you posted it for me. I happen to think it’s awesome. The raccoon shitting billiard balls is the crowning moment.

    And it’s billiards, not pool. Stop listening to ICP.

  3. You LOVE that video. Unless there’s something terribly wrong with you. Among other things, the video makes us wonder what the chances are that the offspring of a winged and an un-winged unicorn will be able to fly.

  4. You take it as a good warning NEVER to eat the berries in my garden. Oops, gotta’ fly, those friggin’ unicorns are fornicating in front of the kids again..

  5. Re: The pink fringed dress. I was a little terrified of it at first, not to do with the quite fabulous pink fringe, which is probably made from the silken pubes of Liberace, but because first glance I thought that girl had Sharpied a really big deformed boob on the opposite side until I realized the “boob” was the unicorn’s head and eye. So now I’m feeling rather stupid.

    Also, the video made me prick up my ears when someone started up their vibrator at about 12 seconds in. Here’s a summary. The bird ate a rare acidberry and saw all sorts of lusty things like animals spanking a cat and a vagina singing on a tree and Uniporn (c) and a giant space gangster owl with a laser gun who kills him and he ends up as a victim of the gay, taxidermist couple with ’80s hair. What’s not to like Elly? Who wouldn’t enjoy that?

    1. That tree knot was totally a purple vag, right?!?

      Damnit. I can’t figure out if uniporn.com is taken because the Hampton Inn apparently has some sort of parental controls in place. Weird, it still let me come here…

  6. OMG! Love the t-shirt! Would be perfect for my little sis and her birthday is coming up! It would be perfect for me except seeing cupcakes all day and not eating them would just piss me off. But hey, I’m not right that way.

  7. Somehow I thought you were being figurative when speaking of racoons shitting pool balls, but after watching I realize you were being literal. And I don’t know how I feel about that. I do like the song though. 🙂

  8. I am disappointed you did not wear the unicorn dress to BlogHer. If you needed a wedding to wear that dress to, Vapid and I could have staged a fake wedding! So that’s what the birds in our backyards are dreaming of: porn. Just goes to prove that everybody loves unicorn and everybody loves unicorn porn. Have to say though: Did NOT realize they use the corn for the hole… Now I finally know where Corn Hole got its name!

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