I look like I had some serious redneck lovin’, Interwebz. My face is all swollen and I occasionally have to spit blood. Seems my dentist found a fourth cavity when he dug out the first three. Chemo is hell on the teeth, I tell ya. I’m sure my affection for cheesecake is completely unrelated.
Also, I stopped by a holiday party last night and some guy told me, “You couldn’t be much older than forty-two.” Now, no offense to anyone who’s forty-two, but you wouldn’t be too thrilled if someone thought you were fifty, now would you? Shit now I’ve offended fifty year olds. But for you fifty year olds, you wouldn’t like to be told you look fifty-eight, right? Well shit. This seems to be an endless cycle…
Rather than offend anyone else over the age of thirty, I’ll just go ahead and offend everyone of all ages with this lovely vagina PSA from Sarah Silverman. Ta. Dah.
But I’ve found a silver lining to that biting line from Mr. Kick-a-Girl-While-She’s-Down-or-at-the-very-least-Swollen Guy. Next time I have a meeting where I need to look older and more experienced, I’m going to skip sleep and ask someone to punch me in the face.
Which reminds me of the time my little brother kicked out my front teeth while wearing cowboy boots.
No Thom, I don’t have any such meeting in the near future. Don’t get your hopes up.